Practical Leadership Tools for Conflict Management
Conflict isn’t always easy—but avoiding it can hold teams back and destroy team trust. Handled constructively, conflict fuels creativity, deepens team trust, and drives better outcomes.
Explore a personal discovery of how embracing conflict is often a necessary part of growth—and how leaders can help their teams lean into it.
A Story About Conflict
I’ve always had a mixed relationship with conflict. Sometimes I thrived in a good debate, energized by the back-and-forth exchange of ideas and perspectives. Other times, I gave in too quickly, agreed when I didn't truly agree, or avoided conflict altogether because it felt uncomfortable. If you’d asked me why I reacted differently in different situations, I probably couldn’t have explained it clearly. Looking back, my responses were shaped by a mix of confidence level, fear, the seniority of those involved, my mood that day, or how I felt about the person across from me.
It wasn’t until graduate school that I truly started to understand the role conflict played in my career.
A Turning Point: Learning to See Conflict Differently
During an intensive exercise in how to navigate conflict, I suddenly realized just how central conflict had been to professional journey. That moment reframed my perspective.
Over 30 years in large advertising agencies taught me that creativity thrives in tension. I worked alongside brilliant, highly opinionated people, where decisions were often made through spirited—and sometimes heated—debate. Because creativity isn't a science (at least not yet), conflict was part of the process. It wasn’t for the faint of heart. I began to reflect on the toll conflict had taken on me and my colleagues. For some, it was overwhelming—they left the industry altogether.
That reflection became a catalyst. I committed myself to understanding conflict more deeply so I could help leaders build high performing teams. I did my capstone on how creative leaders use conflict to drive innovation. I interviewed leaders, read dozens of articles and books, studied social science theories—and yes, I even launched a TikTok channel as The Constructive Conflict Guy. My kids were thrilled.
Why We Struggle with Conflict
Understanding why conflict is hard is key to making it easier.
We should acknowledge that, as social creatures, we are wired to fit in. We naturally want to belong and we really like working with others that think like us. It is comforting. When conflicts arise, it can feel like a threat to our sense of belonging in the best of circumstances. If that challenge comes from someone who works differently than we do, it can get hard fast. Add to that our personal emotional baggage around conflict, and it's easy to see why we often avoid it.
The Case for Conflict
Avoiding conflict may feel safe, but embracing it is key for team effectiveness. Without conflict:
- Ideas suffer
- Engagement drops
- Culture declines
Imagine two companies competing for a high-stakes project. One embraces conflict and uses it to sharpen thinking. The other avoids it. Unsurprisingly, the company willing to engage in productive conflict tends to generate stronger ideas—and better outcomes.
Want to see a masterclass in constructive conflict? Watch Apollo 13. The only reason those astronauts made it back alive was because a room full of experts wrestled through intense conflict, stayed focused on solving the problem, and didn’t let ego get in the way. (Bonus: Ron Howard was able to make a great movie out of it.)
5 Ways to Make Conflict More Constructive
Here’s what I’ve learned that continues to reshape how I think about conflict. Maybe it will reshape how you think about it, too:
- Stop Trying to Win
If someone has to win, someone else has to lose. That binary mindset shuts down collaboration. Instead, focus on what’s best for the group. Let go of the need to come out on top personally.
- Understand What the Conflict Is About
There are three types of conflict:
Personal – the who;
Process – the how;
Task – the what
Often, teams get bogged down in personal or process conflict when they’re actually misaligned on the task. Re-centering on a shared objective can bring clarity and reduce unnecessary friction.
- Collaboration Over Compromise
Compromise means both parties give something up. But if we’re not trying to win or lose, we can aim higher.
Collaboration is about co-creating something better, together. Compromise may be necessary sometimes—but it shouldn’t be the goal.
- Reflect After the Work Is Done
One of the most powerful habits a team can build is post-project reflection. Treat the completed work like an object on the table to be examined and ask:
What did we learn?
What will we repeat?
What will we avoid next time?
That dispassionate reflection builds trust and continuous improvement.
- Difference Is a Strength
Our instinct may be to assume that someone who works differently is wrong. But difference creates better work. Big-picture thinkers need detail-oriented teammates. Risk-takers need cautious counterparts. The best teams don’t just tolerate different styles—they embrace them.
Final Thought: Lean Into the Discomfort
Conflict isn’t easy, and it may never will be. But it’s necessary. When we stop avoiding it and start engaging with it constructively, we unlock better ideas, stronger relationships, and higher performance. The next time conflict shows up, try leaning in. Try some of these tools to navigate conversations. You might just find that it makes you—and your team—better.
